On to Spain, On to Italy

[Titus Cortez]

He nodded and was silent. He hated the ship. He hated what it did to him. It made him small, and incapable, and ignorant. Most of all, though, it took away his pride and his confidence. Titus ran his fingers through her long black hair. He hated what it did to her. He hated the bandanna. He hated it when they called her Aaron. He hated it when she had to act like a boy. He hated it when they talked so openly infront of her about things that should never be said in the presence of a woman. He hated her clothes. He wanted her to wear the dress he had first seen her wearing that now grew old and wrinkled in the bag she kept it in. He hated having to wait for a moment alone with her. He hated having to whisper.

But still, how could he ever leave her? He couldn't leave her here by herself. Not with all these men. Not in the open sea. Not on this ship. Not on this voyage. What about the men in Italy? Spain? Where else would they travel? She was his girl. And it was his job and his right as a man to protect what was his. He couldn't do that if he left, though he hardly believed he could do much better while still aboard this ship, either.

"That wasn't my question."

[Alaya Seawitch]

It was a while before she answered. She did not know why she was avoiding the question but she knew she would have to answer it soon. "I don't want you to leave. It would mean a lot to me if you stayed. However, it would hurt if you stayed when you did not feel like you belonged" Her voice was soft when she finally answered the question. She knew he hated everything about being on the ship and not being able to see her as a girl and not belonging fully on the ship. It would be saddening if he wasn't there but she could manage.

[Titus Cortez]

"Hm." he grunted, and was quiet for a long time. The ship gave a violent jolt (or at least it felt violent from up in the crowsnest) as a stray, larger wave hit the side of the boat and he wrapped his arms around her strongly. He could see the beauty in the sea, like he had the first few weeks aboard. But he still hated it for what it was. No land. No trees. No shade. Relentless heat. Relentless boredom. It took his spirit away. Only at night was it truly beautiful, and only on nights when Alaya was in his arms, way up here and away from the rest of the world and the crew. When he could take her bandanna away from her for just a while. Maybe... maybe he wouldn't mind it so much. If he knew more. If he was more. Maybe he wouldn't mind it if it was just him and Alaya, like the afternoon when they had gone swimming. But all of this, he simply couldn't bear.

"Forgive me for asking a selfish question." he apologized, "Do you think you could ever come on land with me?" He knew it was selfish. She loved the sea. She was a siren after all. It reflected in her eyes even when there was no sea near to be reflected. She was drawn to it badly enough to go through all of this just to be in it. Titus knew that. But how drawn was she to him? Could she ever place him before the ocean? He knew he was being selfish, and it was only after thinking that that he really felt selfish. He could never ask her to put him before the sea. It was her home. And now he wished he could take his question back, but he couldn't.

[Alaya Seawitch]

Alaya felt the wave hit the ship and rock it a bit as Titus held onto her tighter. She knew it was hard on him but she could never see the sea as anything but beautiful and amazing. The heat and being on the ship wasn't always great but just being near the sea soothed her. She knew that being on the ship for Titus was like her being on land. It wasn't for them and she was unsure of how they could last if this was how it would be, neither happy in the others home.

Could she leave the sea again? She left it once and wished every moment to be back and now she was. Was she ready to give it up again? She left when she was seven even if she did travel on the ship with her father every now and then but when she was fourteen she couldn't even step on a ship. "I don't know. I waited so long to return to the sea and even so I have not truly returned. I am so close to what I have been hoping for since I was a child. To leave now, I wouldn't know when I could come back. Then again if I have not been able to reach what I have desired then I might not now so it might not matter if I go back with you" Could she chose him over the sea? At these times she wished she could speak with her mother. Her mother did fall in love with a human but she stayed with the sea and could never see him again. Could the same thing happen to her?

[Titus Cortez]

He frowned inwardly and his brow furrowed. He knew he couldn't keep her away from her dreams. It would be like keeping a butterfly in a glass jar until it withered and perished. He couldn't do that to Alaya. But she was right. If she hadn't obtained a tail yet, would she ever? There was a part of him that hoped she would get her wish, for her sake. But the other half of his human heart was selfish, and yearned for her to remain as human as she was now.

"I shouldn't have asked you. It was a greedy request." said Titus, and for the first time drew his arms back from around her body so that he no longer held her. "I can't take you out of the sea any more than I can take it out of your heart." He folded the bandanna so that he wouldn't have to look her in the eye (and to keep himself from taking her in his arms again), and tied it around his neck, just the way he would when he plowed the fields. And finally, he worked up his courage to ask. "What do you think of me?" It was the exact same question he had asked her earlier on the voyage. But then it expanded. "What do you think of us?" And then something slipped out that even Titus didn't expect. "Do you love me?"

[Alaya Seawitch]

It was a strange conversation to Alaya. She never had one like thins before and really she did not know what to say. "I understand why you asked. But you are right i can't leave the sea anymore than you can become part of it. This is my hem and the land is yours" She started to mess with the bandana that was now around her neck.

She heard Titus' words but she did not have an answer. Yes she had fallen for him but she was still not sure if she fully loved him. She had never had feelings for man before, or for anyone for that matter. It was all for the sea but now she did not know. She could never leave the sea but could she let the first person she ever felt anything for go? "That is still something I am unsure of. I do have feelings for you but I do not know if it is love" She knew he wanted her to say yes but now that she thought about it she did not really know what love was.

[Titus Cortez]

His gaze was distracted to her hands as she fiddled with the bandanna. He wondered why he didn't take it off his neck and give it back to her. But he knew why. The moment he did she would be Aaron again, and their conversation would probably end, and a decision would have to be made.

"I'm not really sure, either." he said, half relieved with her answer, and half offended. Unlike Alaya, Titus had had many relationships, and none had ever moved so quickly or felt quite so right as being with Alaya. She was his girl, and he hadn't given that title to anyone else. It was always something respectful, but never anything that was his. But on the other hand, how could he really know what love was, if he had never really loved any of the women he had seen? And Alaya was so different, and Titus was still learning about her.

Finally he shook his head. They were no closer to a solution than when the conversation started. "I don't know." was all he said, as he reached his fingers behind his head and untied the bandanna, folded it, and handed it back to her. He watched, wondering if she would put it on right away in a hurry, or if she might keep it in her hand a while. It was her choice.

[Alaya Seawitch]

Holding the bandana in her hands she realized she needed to make a choice. Alaya did not know what she wanted. Should she stay with Titus, someone who she just recently meet and started falling for, or stay with the sea, her home? It was hard to choose but she knew what she needed to do.

She stood and looked out at the sea. It was some time before she did anything. She reached her hand out for Titus to stand. When he did she kissed him lightly. "I really do like you but neither of us know if it is love. If it is love then we will be together again" she placed the bandana on her head hiding her hair once again. "Until then it would be better for us to be where we feel most at home and see what happens"

[Titus Cortez]

He stood with her, his heart jumping a bit as she kissed him. He nodded solemnly and ran his fingers through her hair before she hid it again beneath her cloth. His days with her were numbered now. And so were his days on the ship. It was a bittersweet feeling. At last he could step foot on dry land and go back to the way it was. But could it really ever be normal again, now that he had met so abnormal a woman? So it was more bitter than sweet, but it had to be done. He couldn't really say that he loved her. He still hardly knew her. But it would break his heart to see her go.

"I'm sorry." He said after a while.

[Alaya Seawitch]

Her heart felt heavy as she thought about them parting soon. Alaya did not know what to think. It was hard for her to understand her feelings and really she never loved anyone before so how could she be sure that this was love. "Why are you sorry?" Alaya knew that this would be goodbye for a while but not forever. "Besides we will see each other when the tides permit" She was trying to lighten the mood but she knew it wouldn't do too much good.

[Titus Cortez]

Titus shook his head. "For being a selfish coward." he said simply, though he sincerely meant the apology. "I feel like I'm abandoning you. I've never been afraid of anything before that storm, and I've never quit and given up on something I've wanted so badly." But then again, he wasn't really giving up on her. Just the sea. And the ship. And the storms. "I'm choosing land over you, and even through my guilt and I still cannot stay aboard." He shook his head again and gripped the railing.

"When the tides permit?" he repeated her. Another reason he hated the sea. Why should it decide when they could be together or not? And even when the tide did come in, she wouldn't want to go on land. She had said herself she had been forced to take a break, which was the only reason it had even been possible for them to meet. "I should be there to protect you from pirates and other men and thieves. But I can't come with you anymore. I can't stay here." He was looking away from her and down at the water. A dead fish was floating of it's surface, and he wanted so badly to trade places with it. A part of him wished they would have killed him as he hid in the rigging the first day of the voyage. Then at least he wouldn't have to do this. "You will always be my girl," he said sweetly, "But you deserve a better man than me." And they would see each other again. He knew it. But he didn't know when. And at least there was still Spain. It was almost a bitter thought now.

[Alaya Seawitch]

Listening was about he only thing she could do. How could she tell him that it would be alright and that he'd didn't need to apologize for being who he was. There was silence for a while after he repeated her words. Yes there next meating would have to be when the tides premetted it and when the captain just happen to dock near where Titus lived. She did not need his protection but that didn't mean she did not like it that he was sticking up for her.

"You know that no matter what happens we will meet again. You can Never Change who you are and neither can I so why try too." Alaya said after a while. It was going to be strange without him around. She would miss it. "There is still Spain"